8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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