my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize