I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
