sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
