My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
