omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
