I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
