i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
