people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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