It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
