She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
