I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
