You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
