he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
