You really coming over, don't trick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
