Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
