My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
