What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
