So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
bring money and cleavage
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
