Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
