when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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