he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you had me at cake vodka
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize