This is not my ceiling
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
