the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize