are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's rum buckets o'clock
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
