Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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