There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
