they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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