i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
