One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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