I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
