I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
