The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
