I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
