im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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