Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
