we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
