I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
