So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
