It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
