I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
