hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
