I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
