Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
