you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
