i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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