is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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