Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
