Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
