We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
