I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
