You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You're like the curious george of whores
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
