he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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