So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
50% drunk capacity currently
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
