I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
