Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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