4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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