Umm I'm too high to move.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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