He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
