i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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