the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
