I just threw up on my dentist
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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