A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
