I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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