my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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