No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
