her vagine was all disorganized.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
