And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
