We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You are the jesus of drinking
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize