Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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