Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
