I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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