oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
