I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
