I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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