what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize