I CAN MOONWALK!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
