I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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