He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
