I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
