Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
