Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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