VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I could fuck to npr.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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