I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize