Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
