i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize