Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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