we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
