no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
