there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize