I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
