Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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