What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
