I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
