i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
