i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
