She just used a chaser for red wine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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