I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
