I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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