Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's official drugs can't kill me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
