How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
