i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
