I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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