Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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