Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
