Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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