You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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