PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
