Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
