Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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