Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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