Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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