Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
