Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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