I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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