she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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