from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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