Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
