Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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