she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
